Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
