this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
