why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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