we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
so much tequila, so little girl.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
