i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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