Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
is wine microwaveable?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
