I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
