I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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