I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
