Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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