The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
