I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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