two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
