we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
