I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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