Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
