So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
