Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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