3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
