Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I looked at my own cervix.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
