Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
