nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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