Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
