Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
