I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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