I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
