Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
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i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize