New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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