i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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