I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
