nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
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I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
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Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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