i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
