Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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