so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
