Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
