Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
