I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
