You made me cry and you don't even care
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
