I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
