Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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