I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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