Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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