OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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