What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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