I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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