1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize