You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
