you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
