I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
this just has baby written all over it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
