I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
