somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
