who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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