God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
