And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
