Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize