So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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