Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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