I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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