Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
