in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
