youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
