Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
