I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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