Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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