I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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