I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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