I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
